Medal of Honour

It's like a slow motion scene. The music begins, slowly at first and gently building. Inspirational, with strings, and some ambient percussion. Ryan is beside me, both of us slowly, beautifully running along a beach, the tide to our right, kissing our naked toes. We can see him, still a long way off, running towards us. The music builds, Ryan and I exchange joyful glances, throw back our heads and laugh in slow motion as we all draw closer. Then a close up of him, carrying it in his hand, glistening in the sun. At long last, we meet, smiling, expectant and proud. He pulls out a few papers from his pocket and says, "Ryan, Laura, in my hand is the list of showings you've had on your house. You have had the most showings of any of my clients, ever. In fact, you have had the most showings of any house for sale in the whole world, throughout all of history. You have had 83 showings. I am happy to present you with this Medal of Honour." Ryan and I step forward and he solemnly places it around both of our necks. At the same time. Tying us together by the necks.

Okay, this obviously didn't happen. BUT, one part of it did. Can you guess? YES! We have had over 80 showings, people! And guess what? IT HAS SOLD. Oh my. Oh my my my. What a relief it is to say those words. (I shouldn't really speak quite so soon, since the subjects don't come off for a few more days, but COME ON NOW.)

To say that the past few weeks has been hard would be a serious understatement. They have been dark. Very dark. You know when you come to the end of your rope and don't think you have anything left to hold on to? You know when you're so desperate that all you can do is either scream and shout out your anger and frustration or sink into numb emotional oblivion? You know when you're so frustrated that all you can do is take it out on the people who are closest to you?

We know what that's like.

I'm not sure what hit us. Maybe it was the fact that we were having so many showings each week, nearly every day, and cleaning and cleaning and cleaning for people who were still saying the same damn things about our house, or maybe it was that we were second guessing whether we should have taken one of those early cheap-shot low offers, or maybe it was that other dark parts of life crept up and surrounded us, but most likely it was a combination of all of those things.

Waiting is hard, people. Really hard. It's also rich, people. Really rich. This is the horrible, exasperating thing about being forced to wait. While it feels like we're tearing our hair out trying to be patient and not jump up and just take control, we are actually changing and growing and learning! We discovered this a few months into the wait.

But this last month has not been nearly so rich in the growing and learning arena. It has been just plain dark. It has been hard to hold on to our direction, our vision, our values. It has been that notorious rock bottom.

It took a surrendering and a dream to bring us up and out.

Here's how it went down.

We were so low. We were sitting on the couch one night, the very couch where we've had amazing revelations and moments of inspiration, encouragement and meditation, and we were feeling so horribly bad. We talked about this journey. We tried to remind each other where we had been, what He had brought us through, how He had shown up again and again, but the sinking feeling of frustration and darkness wouldn't leave. It had been a week or more of this. Anger, impatience, questioning, wondering, trying to keep on track simply because we didn't know what else to do. And through the talking, the frustrated yelling at Him who has shown up so many times, we agreed, together, that we didn't even care where we ended up. We were so desperate that we would even give up this co-housing community we had become so excited about and so, dare I say, attached to. We didn't know what else to say, except to surrender EVERYTHING and decide that NOTHING mattered anymore. We were completely and utterly lost.

We went to bed.

In the night I had a dream. The insignificant part of the dream involved a visit to a tiny owl...

...and a motorcycle ride with little Pony hanging on behind me.

The significant part involved arriving home from said visit and ride and checking messages. (Um, old school!!) There was one message and it began with a backtrack. Yes, I mean music - canned background music. The music, extremely cheesy, began and I listened, wondering what on earth it was, and then a voice began singing with it, and I recognized it as our realtor's voice. He was singing, starting low and building, that 'we had waited for so long, but that we had gotten an OOOOOFFERRRRRRR and that the DEPOSIT WAS SEEEEEEVENTY THOUUUUUUUSAND DOOOOOLLAAAAAAARS!!!' The song went on, and eventually ended, as did my dream.

Well that was weird.

I woke up and it was morning. I felt light and humourous, having just ended the dream, and then remembered our reality and the heavy night we had had. My mood lowered a bit, but I tried to hold on to the humour and told Ryan about it. We both chuckled.

On with the day. Ryan was home that day, it being the weekend, and I headed out to a meeting. During the meeting, Ryan exchanged some funny texts with our realtor, telling him about the dream. They had some laughs and then got down to the business of talking about showings and such.

I returned home later that morning and pretty soon my phone rang. I answered it and on the other end was a voice, rather familiarly singing "WEEE GOT AN OOOOOFFERRRRRRR!!!!" I will admit that the voice in the dream was far superior, but I'll put that up to the fact that as it was a dream, it was combined with my own extreme musical ability. Ha. Anyway, I laughed and told him that it was indeed a funny dream, to which he replied that we really did have an offer.

WHAT THE WHAT??

And then later that day we got a second offer.

WHAT THE WHAT-WHAT?

And just like that, our house is sold. A multiple offer situation. There's obviously more to the story, but I'll spare you the deets.

The thing is, I think there may have been something significant about that night that we were so low. I think there might just be something significant about the fact that we gave it ALL up, even the amazing place we bought. And dare I say, that I think there was a wee touch of humour and lightness being communicated in the dream that I was given that night. It's as if He was saying, "I'm happy that you've remembered to really leave everything in my hands, and here's a little joke to lighten things up, because COME ON. THIS IS FUN, RIGHT?"

At least that's how I choose to think of it.

And so we've sold. Our hearts are a little lighter today. Our minds are a little freer. Our hands are a little more open. Our plans are a little more loose. Let us not forget this which we have learned.

Though, you know, we probably will.