Open Hands

Take all that I have

I give it to you

'Cause all that I have

Is worthless without you

What gold can keep me warm

From the darkness and the bitter cold

But the raging fire

That you put in my soul

Take my heart

Make me your own

Pour me out

From your heart I will go

This is an old song that Ryan and I learned years ago and still sing today.  Sometimes it's just because it's got a good beat to it, and other times it's because the message couldn't be truer.  Today, the message is so appropriate that I can hardly keep from singing it.

This has been a long wait.  The house selling, I mean.  The journey we've been on for years now has been exciting, sometimes overwhelming, but mostly just a thrill to be figuring this life thing out, figuring out how we can do it well, in a way that we'll be proud of at the end of it all.  But the house.  THE HOUSE.  Sheesh.

It has been.....4 months.  That doesn't actually sound too long when I think about it, but when I think about the fact that we've had over 40 showings, each of which meant cleaning while kids played, asked for snacks, messed it up again, and did all the other wonderful things that kids do.  I won't even start on our little Pony - suffice it to say that cleaning a house with a 2 year old is no easy task.  So each of these times we have cleaned, perfected the feel of the house, diffused beautiful smells, vacuumed, swept, wiped and dusted, polished, scrubbed, tidied and stuffed random things in random places to get them out of site.  This is tiring people!  Ryan and I have had to practice serious patience.  SERIOUS PATIENCE.  

The thing is, we've actually learned some interesting things along the way as well.  Hmmm, how to start.  I guess through this time of waiting, hoping, but then not getting hopes up, in my own heart I have been slowly letting go of that which we were still holding onto.  What I mean, is that while this waiting has been going on, God has seemingly been stirring things deep within me that have bubbled up to the surface.  Old truths that had been forgotten since this process began.  The one lesson that both Ryan and I have been discussing and living into is to hold all things with an open hand.

You know how when something is good, or you have good plans, you start gripping onto them so tightly that any changes make you panic?  Or when things are going really well and you just don't want them to change?  Did you know that holding onto these things can actually hinder growth?  Can actually take away from more goodness coming your way?  Well it can!

Through all this waiting, Ryan and I have been able to release some things we were still holding fast to.  Things like our list of "non-negotiables" regarding where we're headed next.  If you had asked me three months ago, I would've said "we're moving to a small townhouse or ground level apartment in the same area here.  We're hoping to cut our costs and have more time and money to do more meaningful things."  Okay, so there is still some good in that, but do you see it?  See how we were still holding onto that plan?  Well "someone" thought we should probably let go of those and open those hands for what HE has in store.  

And that is what this last few weeks have been about.  We've been through some lows in patience and perseverance.  We've been through highs of revelation and the presence of a guide slowly pulling us along.  We've been shown a better way - to hold all plans with an open hand, to not glue ourselves to one idea and close ourselves off to the rest.  

We are waiting.  Waiting for the house to sell.  Waiting to hear more about this Thailand adventure.  Waiting to find out where we'll be moving to.  Waiting to see what the next step in the path is.  Prayer is happening from moment to moment.  Life continues on and we talk to one another, ask the girls their thoughts, talk to God in the midst of our conversations, try and discern what is happening.  But you know, sometimes it's just a matter of sitting tight and waiting.  Silence is okay.  Patience is okay.  Peace is okay.  

And so here we are.  We trust that good things are coming.  We hope things happen soon.