Gift List (By Laura)

We have never really done the Christmas "gift list" thing around here.  I've often thought it was a super great idea for the receiver, but a super impersonal idea for the giver.  I know many people do it, and like it that way, but I just feel that it kind of takes away the joy of really thinking about giving something that is from the heart.

(That said, sometimes it's nice to just have an idea of what the person would like!!)

This year, we are doing a deliberately simple Christmas with the girls.  It WON'T be simple in terms of family time, enjoying the festivities and the season, making all sorts of Christmassy decorations and treats, or planning wintery activities.  It WILL be simple in the area of gifts.

This is always a struggle for us.  We have tried again and again to "simplify" gift giving, to focus on the beauty of the season and the simple story of a young teenage girl giving birth in a stable in a foreign city, having travelled days sitting on a donkey, likely having early labour pains (LET'S JUST IMAGINE THAT FOR A MOMENT - EUGH), with her new husband who she hasn't even slept with yet.  Yikes - that makes for a rather dramatic scene, doesn't it?

I am way off track already.

So, we have tried to hold back on the overload of gifts.  We would like the season to be about more than a greedy present bash.  The thing is, it is so fun to spoil them.  So many years we said, "let's just get them a small amount of gifts each" and come December we end up picking up this and that, allowing ourselves the luxury of spending more and more as we get them "just one more thing".  They end up with a mound, somewhat defeating the purpose of our simplification idea.  Sigh.

A little while back we heard of a family who does a neat thing, and we're going to do it this year.  It's a simple idea.  Gold.  Frankincense.  Myrrh.  The three gifts given by the magi to that little boy, maybe two or three years old by then, who was growing and learning about the world he was born into, his mother now in her mid- or late teens, and his father a humble carpenter.  Those strange visitors came from a foreign land in the East, and bowed down to him as if he was a king, giving him these three gifts.

Gold was the gift of a true king - riches and splendor.  Frankincense was a sweet incense that symbolized prayer rising to the heavens as smoke.  Myrrh was used in death, to prepare a body for burial.

The three gifts we will be giving correspond with these three gifts given centuries ago.  GOLD will be a gift that will be loved, for no other reason than she will enjoy it - perhaps something she has been hoping for.  FRANKINCENSE will be a spiritual gift - something that will help her develop and grow in understanding of herself and the world around her.  MYRRH will be a gift that is useful and practical.  (No, not anything to do with death - haha!!)

And that is it!  We hope to establish this as the new "norm" in our family, to grow good things like thankfulness, meaningfulness, appreciation, and to vear away from the (so easily adopted) attitude of "I want more".

Thankfulness.  This is a theme I've been thinking a lot about.  I'm reading a really good book right now about thankfulness, its power and the way it leads us to new and amazing places, and have begun to list things, big and small, that I'm thankful for - gifts that I receive during my days that strike me as simply wonderful.

And so, with no further ado, here is my very own gift list for today.  The gifts I've received as I've trudged through the first half of it and look forward to the remaining hours.  Enjoy!

The lingering life of flowers given by neighbours over a week ago. 

The joy I witnessed in the girls' frolic through our fallen leaves last night. 

The sunrise this morning, from my favourite spot on the couch. 

A beautiful walk and good conversation this morning.

The cozy feeling I have when I put on my "new" second-hand sweatshirt. 

Perusing old photos and remembering the fun of Ryan's 30th birthday "wig party". 

Memories of squishy babies snuggled in slings.

This video of my husband doing one of his interpretive dances, 

and how hard I get laughing when he does this.

the need to readjust (By Laura)

It's fall.  This is a lovely, beautiful season.  It is filled with the scent of pumpkin and turkey and apples and all sorts of heart-warming foods.  It is filled with the smell of crunch, dry leaves, the feel of the cold air on your face as you step out the door, the sharpness of a slowly distancing sun.

It's also a season of readjusting to a different pace.  The school year begins, and in many ways beyond school, rhythms take on a new importance.  In my life, the new school year, the end of summer galavanting, and the close of the warm season mark a distinct change of pace.

We had a wonderful summer.  Really, it was so nice.  We went away weekend after weekend to fun activities like camping, family reunions, meet-ups with friends and little family adventures.  The weather was beautiful, the roads were welcoming, and we did as many fun and exciting things as we could.  But in spite of the fact that we homeschool, and in spite of the fact that we like to buck the trends of society, fall brought with it a need to hunker down at home, organize ourselves, set some goals, plan curriculums, register for extracurricular activities, and dedicate ourselves once again to work and life as it is during much of the year.

With all this readjustment to a more grounded rhythm comes a lot of work.  Helping the girls adjust to new classes, teachers, environments, schoolwork, and grade-levels takes a lot of energy.  Booking appointments that have been put off through the summer, being intentional about spending time with close friends, Ryan getting into the busier season at work, myself getting into a more organized rhythm of connection with my clients, trying to force myself out of bed before the rest of the family to carve out some alone time - all this takes energy and ends up making me feel like I'm just barely staying on top of things.  

Thankfully this hectic time doesn't last forever.  It's now mid-October and I'm feeling the weight of the readjustment lifting.  I'm feeling the rhythms become more natural, more habitual, and it's a nice relief!  Going through this again though, as I do every year, is a really good reminder that it is so easy for life to become filled to the brim with all sorts of stuff, and that I need to keep myself in check and try and keep my schedule and commitments on the simpler side.

You see, this is just another way to live more simply!  Over the past five years or so, I've gone through some ups and downs that have really taught me about my own personal limits, that I have a hard time saying no (not out of guilt, but out of desire to be a helper wherever there's a need), that I NEED to carve out time for myself and that I needn't apologize for that.  These lessons have taught me about a slower, simpler way of being, and it's a rich lesson to learn.  If I carve out space, or rather, create a rhythm that involves space from the get-go, I am a much more content, fulfilled and peaceful person.  If I fail to do that, as I have been in the pattern of doing since my first daughter was born, I end up being agitated, anxious, unhealthily impulsive, and moody.  It's not fun to be that person, nor is it fun to be around her.  

So as the wildness of the fall readjustment wanes, I am also trying to readjust my priorities to reflect that which I truly value: time with my family, time by myself, time serving others, time connecting with those around me.

Wish me much luck, and have a lovely remainder of October.  xoxo

*I hate to post artwork without naming the artist, but this is an image of a painting that I collected somewhere long ago and don't know the artist's name.  If you know it, do let me know! 

tea for two (By Laura)

Teacup empty.  Couch vacated.  Driveway cleared.  Quiet descends.

I just finished a nice long visit with a friend.  It was much needed.  I've had a few days of feeling spent, tired of housework, stressed out by meal prep and cleanup, exhausted with homeschool, exasperated with parenting, and so much more.  You know those days?

Here was my facebook status the other day:

Ever have one of those days when everything goes wrong? For instance, homeschooling goes so badly that you consider dropping your kids off at the local public school and booking a flight, and after working for hours getting your "for sale" house ready for a showing, and loading the antsy-pants kids into the van, the darn battery is dead because someone left a light on? And after a neighbour tries and fails to jumpstart it, finally BCAA comes and does it, then you drive off only to stop for much needed milk and a quick treat for your poor kids who have been waiting for hours, and turn off the van, only to return and remember you were supposed to let it run for at least 45 minutes, and the battery is dead again? Then you have to call the same BCAA guy and have him come jumpstart it again? Then you get to your destination, stay for dinner, and then forget the all-important much needed milk there? Then you get home and make lunches for the whole family for the next day, and bathe in the triumph of using ONE BANANA TO MAKE FIVE PB AND BANANA SANDWICHES? Naw, me neither.

I generally like to keep things positive.  I don't like to be too doomsday, too negative, too "life is all about me".  Some days it's hard though, so while I posted this miserable status, I had to make it funny, to at least have a good laugh about it all!!  And, I mean, it really was quite a feat - the banana thing.  

So it was nice to sit and talk.  It was nice to connect, to commiserate (she has kids herself, although older now, and can really relate to some of my feelings), to be heard and not judged.  It was also nice to listen and hear her stories, and her challenges, and her current life ongoings.  We talked about parenting, the amazing and horrendously difficult job of being a parent, and of course about our adventures in simplifying.  

As I was telling her about the journey, and as I was reflecting on it last night as well, some thoughts occurred to me, or rather, have been occurring.  They aren't fully formed, but they have to do with vulnerability.  

Vulnerability is SO hip these days, thanks to Brene Brown.  Yes, that woman has done some great work in communicating really important thoughts about vulnerability that is so good to hear and think about.  If you haven't already, check out this YouTube video of her at the Ted Talks.

So I've been thinking about this vulnerability thing.  I am someone, like so many of us, who really tries NOT to present my weaknesses to the world.  Apart from not really trusting peoples' reactions (and I'm a fairly sensitive person), I also worry that I'm going to be adding negativity into people's lives which bothers me.  I feel like if I'm vulnerable, and don't hide my negative side, or maybe we should say "all the sides of me", then somehow that will make life less enjoyable for others.

BUT WILL IT?

I am starting to think that no, it won't.  Possibly, just possibly, being vulnerable, putting myself out there, laying my thoughts out for the wolves, might just inspire.  It might get others to do the same.  It might, actually, bring me closer to others.

And this is what I'm seeing.

When I started this blog, or "we" actually, even though Ryan hasn't done a post yet..., it was a big step.  It was hard to make this whole idea public.  We worried that people would laugh.  Or roll their eyes.  Or tell us we weren't the first to think this up.  Or belittle us for some other reason.  We worried that people would think we were stupid, or crazy, or reckless.

I don't doubt that there are some who do think some of those things.  The thing is, this whole process has brought about such a huge wave of connection with people, we have been knocked right over!  So many people have been excited about this for us.  So many have talked about going through their own process of writing down their values.  It has been humbling.  Amazing.

So thanks for those of you who have spoken up and told us.  It's good to know we're all on these journeys, be the journeys similar or different from our own.  Onward into the day!

I'll have to talk more about this in an upcoming blog post, as my thoughts take more shape.  For now, little Pony just woke up and is in a wild tantrum rage in her crib.  Aaaah, real life descends once again.  Haha.