winner winner chicken dinner

So, it seems that I have had a stroke of luck recently. I got a lovely message on my facebook account saying "YOU HAVE WON THE GETAWAY TO GABRIOLA ISLAND CONTEST!".

Woah! Excellent!

This was a little contest I entered on Facebook a few weeks back, and I had all but forgotten about it (because really, what were the chances, right?)...and then this message! The odds were against us but POW!!!

Gabriola Island, named "Seagull Island" by the original explorers who found it (and whose Spanish word for seagulls is rather similar to the eventual name of the island) is a charming small island packed with artists and island culture, the likes of which we were about to enjoy for two nights!

The winnings included a 2-night stay at a lovely B&B, scooter rentals, kayaking, and gift cards to both restaurants and art studios.

So we booked ourselves in, arranged for the girls to be cared for by some family (thanks Mom, Dad, Anna and Dave!) and headed off to the ferry terminal!

Now let me say, every time I go somewhere on the ferry I am struck by HOW BEAUTIFUL THIS PART OF THE WORLD IS. Seriously friends, we are SO lucky to live on the West coast.

So, after a hearty breakfast and goodbye to the girls...

...we headed off to the ferry. Then wondered, as we were sitting in the lane we were directed to, why there was no one else in it, and why those pilons were right in front of us. Weird! (Okay, so we totally went the wrong way, but got onto the ferry anyway!)

And then we got on the ferry! So beautiful, friends! We also learned a little (thank you, Google) about the reason the ocean had two distinct colours in this area. (Psssst - it's because there's a river that pours into the ocean here and in the spring and early summer, there is a lot of sediment, causing the top surface of the water to be brownish. It's called the "plume". Isn't that pretty?) 

Also of note, is how much more ketchup can fit into these little ketchup containers if one simply opens them up wider. You're welcome.

So we arrived on the lovely Gabriola Island (a small island just 20-30 minutes off Vancouver Island at Nanaimo) after two ferry rides, and drove through the beautiful roads lined with trees until we reached Arbutus Bluff B&B. WOW.

The place was utterly amazing! What beautiful views! What an amazing location! And the room was, well, as you can see, it brought out the best in us. 

(Note the lovely gifts on the table that awaited us when we arrived!)

And so what did we do next? Well, we went and did a little exploring! Yahoo!

Ryan leaping for joy at our lucky trip!

Myself leaping for joy at our lucky trip, too!

In the picture directly above, you can see the interesting rock formations (sandstone) that have been created by sea salt over the years. The entire island, and in fact many of the islands in the area, have this kind of beautiful lacey pattern all over the place.

So at one point we went to a lovely spot that was recommended - a beautiful, serene, and deserted beach. Things got a little crazy.

We spent the dying hours of daylight perched on the rocks at Berry Point watching the sun set and letting more of our crazy loose. Thanks to Ryan's wonderfully limber legs, he got on a bit of a roll with the "awkward lunge" pose.

"A moment of serenity"

"The Laura-lunge"

"Awkward couple lunge"

"Even more awkward couple lunge"

"Rawr"

"Action lunge"

But seriously. The beauty!

Isn't it weird when the ocean does the "tilt" thing? ;)

Well after all that fun, we were tuckered out. We went out for dinner at the Woodfire Grill, which we were given a gift certificate to. OH YUM. Amazing pizza, and a really delicious burger! Please enjoy this delightful picture of us sitting at our table, with no ability to see either the restaurant nor the food, but you do get a nice view of a brown truck. You're welcome.

We had a nice sleep and then headed out fresh the next morning to use our SCOOTER RENTAL gift from Pages Resort and Marina and later our Kayak Tour at Silva Bay Kayak Adventures.

But first, this was the view from the breakfast table. Yes. Beautiful.

One word about the scooter rentals. We headed into this feeling quite differently. I have long dreamed of getting on a motorcycle, and Ryan has long dreamed of a motorcycle-free life. Way too dangerous, he thought. Lighten up, I thought in response. Well, in the first 2 minutes of our scooter driving experience, we completely traded opinions. Ryan raced down the road while I panicked in the rear, wondering whether maybe this was a bad idea. In the end, after adjusting, we both agreed it was the highlight of the trip. 4 hours trekking around the island on these little buzzing rockets! AWESOME!

 You may now refer to us as "Chips". If you're too young to know what that refers to, just google it. It was an awesome show waaaaay back when. :)

We stopped and had a DEEEELICIOUS lunch and hot drinks at MadRona's Coffee Bar, and then continued on. We ended up coming back to this place for another visit. It was great!

During our tour of the island, we discovered the magical rock formations that I mentioned before - the sandstone here had been completely hollowed out!

(You can hardly expect him not to lunge here...)

We also visited the site of some recently discovered Petroglyphs - carvings in stone made by the First Nations people that once lived on the island. It is guessed that these could be up to 5000 years old!

Just think about that. 5000 years old. It left me rather speechless.

In the afternoon, it was KAYAK time! Wonderful! We were really sad to hand back our scooters, and I'm really not kidding, but we did it, because, well, we would be breaking the law if we just took them. :/ So we returned them and headed over to Silva Bay to meet the lovely and brilliant Hillary who would take us for the next couple of hours on a Kayak tour of the small islands clustered at the tip of Gabriola Island.

So beautiful! Honestly, I would LOVE to spend more time ocean kayaking! It was so peaceful and breathtaking, and we saw loads of seals, an otter, some eagles, some harlequin ducks (fun name, eh?) and Sabine's Gulls as well. (I want you to know it took me about 1/2 an hour to figure out the specific type of gull we saw by googling. It was quite lovely, and different from the standard large ones we often see around home.) Hillary was a really great guide and was so knowledgeable about the local environment. It really enhanced the whole experience! A wonderful time!!

We spent the rest of the night lounging in the hot tub at the B&B, enjoying the hummingbirds, and watching a silly movie in bed. We were exhausted! Whew!

 The following morning we had our lovely breakfast at the B&B (french toast - yes please!) and headed off to Melinda Wilde's home studio where we would do a 1 hour art class with her. Yay! What a lovely person she was (and I'm sure she still is), and what a nice way to spend the morning!

So I only took a picture of my art piece and forgot to take a picture of Ryan's. Rude.

And then, as quickly as it started, our time on Seagull Island was over. We were sad to leave, but had some sweet girls who we were rather excited to be reunited with. And so, we took flight (or set sail, rather) and headed home over the water on our journey home....

THANK YOU to the wonderful people of Gabriola Island for allowing us such a wonderful time away. What a beautiful place you live in! Until next time!

Refresh

I love refreshing things. Pulling newly dried sheets out of the dryer, cleaning off surfaces of the junk that have been piled in order to have open space to work, clearing out the Christmas decorations and cleaning up the needles, clicking that little "refresh" button in the browser to check to see whether there are any new emails (which I recently read is one sign that you might be unhealthily addicted to screens...), and just plain old making things new.

A new year, even in the middle of the school year, the busy year that happens between summers, feels exciting, titillating, infused with potential.

As 2014 passes away and 2015 dawns, I find myself reflecting on our values, where we've come from, and how far we have to go. We have a long journey yet.

In 2014, and even before, we spent hours upon hours, over months and months, thinking and discussing and working through what we truly value in life. We carved out a list of values from these conversations. Then we considered it a kind of road map to life. We said, "How is our current life reflecting these values? How is it not?" Through this process, we swept through our home three times over and gave away, sold, discarded a TON of stuff. We purged. We opened up more to people around us. We simplified so many aspects of our lives. We re-budgeted, we put our house on the market, we talked to our girls about the journey we were embarking on, and we witnessed them jumping on board and being both excited and sometimes really nervous about the changes.

We moved into a co-housing community, opening our lives to a whole host of diverse people we didn't know. We worked to open ourselves to them and all that we come into contact with. We "put ourselves out there" in crazy videos and funny songs sung onto our YouTube channel. All these things were deliberate decisions made. Following our values.

We even added to and honed our values through this time. We revisited the wording, relevance, and appropriateness of the placement of these values. We found values that each of us had that were separate from the others' and we found that we had values that weren't even included in our original list.

And now here we are. We are proud of how far we've come. And we're painfully aware of all the work that is yet to come. Even the "simple" value of "Simplicity" means that purging is an ongoing work that is to be done. There are always more things being brought in, and it's not possible to completely stop the flow, particularly with three children.

And here we stand at the beginning of a brand new, shiny and perfect year. It looks so beautiful right now. So much potential. So much that can go right.

Tomorrow is the first day back to school/work and life as we know it during "normal time". There is a bit of sadness, but a lot of excitement around our house. Feelings of not wanting Dad to go back to work, and not wanting to go to school, and not wanting to do homeschool, and not wanting Christmas to be over, all hang in the air. But along with it is this ringing excitement about what 2015 will hold.

What will your year hold? What are you excited about? Isn't it wonderful to look at the beautiful, shiny year that lies ahead and ask "What wonderful things are in store?" I hope that your year is as wonderful as you imagine it in your head, and that your glistening, gleaming plans go far better than you ever anticipated.

Too Much.

I'm sitting here with a feeling of unease. It has been there for a few months, but the last few weeks most prominently. It sometimes exhibits itself in my mood, sometimes in my stomach in the form of nausea; sometimes it's a feeling of frantic excitement; sometimes it shows up in my bowels, sometimes in a feeling of anxiety that sits in the back of my throat.

Shit. I wish I could shake it. 

We have talked and talked about living meaningfully. We have poured over our values, attempted to live them out in our moment to moment choices, our daily acts, our monthly budgeting, our yearly assessments of how we're doing. We have made choices and changes in our life to incorporate and inhabit them. We've purged loads of unnecessary "stuff", downsized and moved into a community-living setting, changed the way we shop and accumulate, worked to love and accept and follow the path our Faith is at peace with, explored plans of adventure! We have done a lot of good stuff, and I am quick to forget it all in the face of one of the areas that I am still failing miserably. 

I can't seem to trim down on my commitments. I am doing too much. I am trying to cram too much into my life and am suffering, and causing my family to suffer, because of it. 

15 minutes ago, I left my crying 7 year old, on her birthday, having just taken her out with Ryan to a fancy tea house, having just broke her heart at the words, "I have to go to the hospital. My client is going to have her baby soon." She hugged me and held tight, crying that she didn't want me to go.

I am lagging way behind where I wanted to be in my schooling. I've begun an online study program to become a childbirth educator, largely to be able to remain working in the birth world without having to rely on attending births as an income. I am not able to keep up, because, for pete's sake, I'm human and need to chill out a couple evenings a week.

I'm pushing hard with homeschool, and as always, have this voice in the back of my mind that says, "Work harder, challenge them more, do more planning, be more organized!" 

I'm trying, oh so hard, to navigate my way through the 3's for the third time, as my little one is full of tantrums, strong feelings, button pushing, and a desperate need to cling to me and kiss and hug me frequently throughout the day. I want to enjoy it. I want to love her affection, but I am exhausted in body and mind. I also suspect that her intensity may be connected to some kind of anxiety or unmet need. Attention? Affection from me? Lack of mother patience?

I'm a good friend, and want to continue to be one, but when I'm so behind on everything else, how can I manage to do friendship well? I meet and have coffee with another mom and wonder the whole time whether I should be spending time doing this....I'm wasting time aren't I? My rational, smart brain tells me that relationships are what life is about, while my frantic, anxious brain screams "INEFFICIENT USE OF TIME!"

The community we live in demands time, and work, and kindness and love, and compassion and understanding. These are all things I want to give, but I find myself empty of resources to give. 

And now I sit here, waiting for the call that will send me to the hospital to do a job I love (desperately) but that will keep me up all night, only to return home and take two or three days to recover from. I long for my daughter; to wipe her tears and snuggle up in bed with her and sleep just so. I worry she is growing up and I'm missing the good stuff because of my frantic brain. I worry about that with all of them. 

But in reality, if I can turn down the negative self-talk, the shame and guilt, the worry and anxiety, I know with the deepest calm that they are okay. I may not be perfect, and won't ever be. I may not be able to do it all, but my family loves me and I love them. They know it, and you know, we have it pretty good. 

But this day, this past 24 hours of worry and discussion with Ryan and talk about our own personal shame has set me on a new mission. This mission is to list all that I have on this overflowing plate of mine, to rank it in importance from most to least, and to see what I can, nay NEED to, cut out. Life is short, and there's only one chance to do it well, and here I am, right in the middle of it. So as soon as I get off this here computer, log out of the blog editor, and turn the computer to sleep mode, I will get a pen and paper and begin my new beginning. I will prioritize. I will make changes. I will tell anxiety and shame to take a hike and I will remember who I am. 

I am strong, smart and pretty darn hot. (Haha!) I am capable of a lot, but I have limits, and they need to be known and respected. I am good at a lot of things, but that doesn't mean I should do them all at once. I am excited about a lot, but that doesn't mean I need to jump aboard every ship that passes. Limits. Boundaries. Delving deeper into the things I actually have room for. That is what it's going to be. That, my friends, will be my new beginning.

And good night.

Life Lived Well

There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears

And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears

Get over your hill and see what you find there

With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair

                                                                                                         - Mumford & Sons

Some really hard news came this week. Our friend, Ken, lovingly known to many by his Vine name, "Kwrkey", was told that his body was likely too overwhelmed with cancer to overcome it. After months and months of brutal chemo, surgery and radiation, plus a very difficult few months of just not recovering well from all of the trauma the treatment put his body through, he was given this news. 

There are times in life when we rank people. You know what I mean. You hear of a murder in the news of some gang member - targeted attack - victim was known to police, had a record. You don't feel too horrible, right? It's hard to admit, but you feel like perhaps, if you delved deep enough into your inner mind, the world might now have one less difficult person in it. Right? And then you hear of a young girl in a war zone getting shot and killed in the line of fire, or a young mother being killed in a car accident, leaving behind her children. Doesn't that hurt? Doesn't it make your insides ache?

Of course, we can't actually rank people like this. It's not right. It's not fair. Every person is precious. Each person has their own set of circumstances. Maybe that targeted victim was the son of a prostitute who just couldn't give him a healthy childhood, causing him to turn to unhealthy habits, unsafe people for security. Maybe that young mother was abusive towards her children, or had a drug habit that was causing her children to grow up in neglect.

The fact is, we don't know peoples' stories. We don't know where they've come from, or how they've carved out their life and ways. We can't judge them, nor can we rank them.

I don't know Ken's story. Not the full story, at least. We know snippets. We know much more about the past few years of his story than anything else. We know that he met Julie a couple years ago and the two of them are beautiful together. They are a pair of light-shedding givers and you can't know them without loving them. 

They both have stories, including previous marriages, kids they love, pain in their past. They both love music, and each other, and being goofy, and bringing people together, and making others feel good (no, great), and sharing life and laughs and music with anyone they find who will share it with them.

When we happened upon this funny little app a couple years ago, an app called Vine, we never imagined the way it would change our lives. That sounds weird. It still sounds weird to me, but it's true. If you're not familiar with it, it's an app in which you create an account and then record 6-second long videos, and once you post them on your feed, they loop. They repeat over and over and over. This may sound bizarre, but it makes for a really interesting artistic medium. The crazy thing about Vine that sets it apart from other kinds of social media is that it causes, almost by accident, real life connections between people. Really. It does. For some reason, the fact that people are taking video of themselves talking, making jokes, dancing, singing, doing silly things, causes others to get a more clear picture of who they are, which causes them to respond with the same kind of authenticity. There's a lot of vulnerability, and you feel as if you're kind of connecting with people on a really special level. (Of course, it's possible to just be a spectator, as with any social media, but if you really engage, you reap the benefits.) When we were first experiencing the world of Vine, we would see people post vines saying they loved their "vine friends" and that their life was "so different" now because of Vine. I was very skeptical. It was an APP, people. It wasn't REAL. These weren't REAL RELATIONSHIPS. It was a little mini screen and these people were just on a screen.

Then one day, Ryan found this goofy guy named Ken on Vine, and we started up a little back and forth Vine friendship.

He was pretty great, and we quickly got to know his girlfriend, Julie as well.



We had some pretty funny times with them on vine, going back and forth with goofy messages and song-collabs (the Vine term for doing music together on vine....) and many other random and fun things. Then we said to each other, how about a trip down to visit them in Oregon? And the adventure began...

 We had an amazing trip, and got to experience what they were like in real, non-screen life!
(Hint: They really WERE real!) They weren't just real, they were truly lovely people. Lovely, loving, lively, likeable, and all the other L words you can think of (the good ones at least). Really though, we got such a keen sense that they were community builders, carers of people, and people who were really out to make the world a better place for everyone in it. It was, to say the very least, inspiring!



Ken ended up making this goofy Vine after our first day together. It made us giggle.



And so we headed home, and returned to the Vine friendship, inviting and urging them to come visit us next! How fun! And so life carried on as usual for a while.



The following year, we had the chance to go to DisneyLand! And guess who we met up with there??? You bet! A lovely few hours and a nice lunch together with our Vine buddies in the happiest place on Earth.  Can't you tell I'm happy? :)



It wasn't too long after this meet up that the news came of Ken's diagnosis and upcoming treatment. What a hard and horrible thing. Through the months that followed, we witnessed him going through chemo over Vine and Facebook, as well as through The Good Men Project, a blog where he had a space to write about his experience. We ached for him, Julie and their teenaged kids. What a lot to grapple with. Chemo, surgery, radiation, it went on and on, and we listened, prayed, hoped.

Then this recent news came, and we cried, and talked, and prayed, and cried. How could the world allow a guy like THIS to go? I started ranking people. Why Ken? Why someone who was a light-shiner in this world?

But sometimes "why" isn't really helpful, or the right thing to ask. I'm not sure what is. What I hope for now, and pray for him, Julie, their kids and family, is for peace. For good, loving time together at home. For calm and courage to face the future without Ken's presence. For Ken's peace to be a blanket over and around him, to carry him towards the end of his life here and that which lies beyond. We pray this daily, hourly, momentarily. And what more can be said or done? Love is what it comes down to in the end, isn't it?

Love, hope, faith. Ken has done so much good here, and now he will get to leave and enter a more beautiful experience that the rest of us will all have to wait for.

May you feel deep peace and love as you enjoy your closest people, Ken. And may you not feel pain, but have a comfortable many months ahead as you all prepare for the change to come. We look forward to Julie's continued updates on how things are going for you all and will continue to journey with you until we can't any longer.

We love you, and look forward to hanging out when we join you on the other side of the river.

With love,
Laura, Ryan, and the girls.

A bit hard. A bit sweet.

I'm here. In our new office. Having meant to sit down and do some studying for a program I've just registered in. I'm not doing it. 

Our office is pretty much set up. So is the rest of the house. Sure, there are bits and pieces that still feel kind of unsettled, but for the most part, our house is as it will be for a long time.

The office is full of white desk space, mason jars of pencils, markers, scissors, pencil crayons. The computer sits boldly on the desktop. The files that we had stuffed for years into an old decrepit filing cabinet have been sorted and placed into a new, fully functional one. The closet is full of homeschool resources, craft supplies, instruments, cleaning supplies, batteries, cables and cords. The piano sits happily against one wall. Chalkboards line the desktop, awaiting each weekday morning's plan scribbled in fancy writing. Alphabet banners line the wall up high.

It looks pretty good. It looks like a nice home. It feels set up and pretty and nearly complete. But it has yet to feel like HOME. 

I had a bit of a cry today. (Okay, there may have been some big ugly sobs in there.) I was feeling lost and disoriented. I miss our friends from our little city by the sea. I miss our church community, which we are still a part of but which feels much further away now. I miss the ocean. I miss our dear ex-next door neighbours. I miss our street. Our house. Our clerk at the grocery store. Our mail carrier. I miss the streets that were so familiar. I miss the farms we often visited with people we love living on them. I miss spending time chatting, picking up milk and cheese, spontaneously having tea, seeing the girls poke at the chickens, keep their distance from the cows, and wander through the orchard. I miss often staying longer than we intended. I miss the feeling of HOME.

I guess this is to be expected. A change so big as a move had to have a big impact. I suppose it's okay that it will take time to adjust to this new city. 

I was babbling to God at one point in my breakdown and had to say out loud some of the positives of this place. Here they are, in no particular order.

- This co-housing community and all the people here. They are really great. I mean it. Good people. Fun and loving and totally weird. Just like us.

- The beautiful natural beauty that is practically outside our door. We could bike to the forest. We can hop in the van and drive for 3 minutes and reach the river. Loads of parkland that has trails and beautiful scenery. 

- The proximity to my sister and her family, who we love and get to see so much more often now.

- The central-seeming location we are in now. Previously it took us an hour to get into the main city. Now it's 1/2 an hour. That includes Ryan's commute. Excellent.

See? Looking at the positives helps! I am feeling better already!

Okay, so the reality is that this is very up and down. I have all but lost sight of why the hell we did this. And then Ryan reminds me that he wants us to have our values displayed visually in the house and I thank God again for how there seems to be an ebb and flow to our ups and downs, and how when I'm down, Ryan seems to be up, and when Ryan's down, I seem to be up. Merciful.

And this is today. I am tempted to go out and mingle with some of our new people right now, but I think I'll get back to what I was setting out to do when I sat down here. STUDY. Bring it on.

A little bit of crazy to keep it real.

We had a date night recently. Went for a walk. This is the result. Us crazy kids.

What if?

In the business world, in order to experience success, organizations spend countless hours focussing on a very specific task. This task sets the pace for the ethos and drive of a business and those who do it well see their employees united and content, their businesses thrive.

This task? Defining the organization's values.

It's a theme with us, right? Yeah! And it's time we take it to a whole new level.

Organizations put huge effort into choosing their values, wordsmithing them to just the right lilt and tone, and rolling them out to the employees. The process is invaluable. It's great for business. Why? Because it helps create a clear direction resulting in a much better atmosphere for employees.

Let's sit with this idea here for a minute (while I clean up the wine I just dribbled all over my shirt...) and think about something else. Why do we leave it all at work and trash it when we enter our home lives?

What would happen if we transferred these ethos-improving, atmosphere-augmenting, direction-building ideas from a business setting to a HOME?

I mean, it's not that we don't have values as individuals and families already. We do, buried deep under our decisions and lifestyle. Sometimes they even creep onto our walls in cute and nerdy plaques hung above our kitchen sinks. "Your mother doesn't live here. Put away your dishes." "Eat, Laugh, Love." "Home is where the heart is." Admit it. You've got one or two. Yes!! Haha! I can hear you laughing! 

But really, these things don't define our life direction, do they? (I hope not!) Why is it that when it's business time, direction and values make perfect sense, but when we live our out-of-work lives (which we, ahem, value more, generally speaking) we seem to go from whim to whim without a glance deep into ourselves in order to examine what drives our direction?

I mean, what would it be like if in our home we had actual values stated, displayed, referred to at each turn of our journey? What if we displayed them on the wall just like a business would, to keep ourselves and those who live with us remembering what the core of our life direction is? What if?

Okay, let's cut to the chase.

What if...

...we put business-quality effort and energy into choosing values for our families?
 
...rather than relying on a 'general feeling' of what we value as a family, we carefully chose specific ones and started to evaluate our decisions and the way we live using them as a framework?
 
...we had those values hanging up on our wall next to our kitchen table?

How would that impact the decisions we make? How would that impact our kids? Their sense of belonging? How would it equip them to make their own decisions? Would it help us all get moving in the same direction?

I think it would.

Instinctively I think we all have a general sense of what our personal values are. But, we, after having gone through the process of selecting and writing them out, and trying to consider them in every decision we make, can assure you...

...it is hard work... 

...but it is so worth it!