Riches

I was sitting in a hot bath.  I love them really hot.  You know that feeling when your skin stings a bit when you put a foot in, but then adjusts pretty quickly?  The heat that leaves your skin pink when you get out?  That's the kind of temperature for me.

And so I sat there, scrolling through vines and facebook feed, brainlessly relaxing in the steam.

All of a sudden, I looked up.  I looked around at our bathroom.  Porcelain sink, porcelain toilet, tiled tub, tiled floor, clean white wainscotting, dark grey paint, foggy window looking out into our back yard, mirrors, floor mats, thick towels.

It had never hit me so hard.  We had so much.  This life was so rich!  This posh little room, all for peeing and pooping and bathing.

Had I never realized this?  Had I never seen it so clearly?  I thought of the richest people I know, people who have the perfectly decorated homes with countless expensive things on the walls, counters, and floor.  Surely we weren't THAT rich.  Surely we were kind of "poor" compared to them.

But no.  This was a stark realization.  And with this realization came a strong wave of a new realization.

With great wealth comes great, GREAT responsibility.

I suddenly felt that I had done so little.  There are people, children and adults alike, starving.  And here I am, sitting in this tub, hot water soaking into my skin, essential oils filling the air with aromas.  This bathroom - how I've angrily toiled over cleaning it!  How I've smacked little bums out when they were in my way!  How I've spent countless hours in frustration over keeping this place up.

WHY?  AND FOR WHO?

I haven't been able to carve my way through these feelings yet, or to conclude much more than a deep longing to change this.  I have felt more strongly drawn to people who need my help.  Drawn to serve the poor.  Give to the poor.  Time and energy and love - and money.

Keep me in your prayers as I think this out.  May it result in some good action.

Open Hands

Take all that I have

I give it to you

'Cause all that I have

Is worthless without you

What gold can keep me warm

From the darkness and the bitter cold

But the raging fire

That you put in my soul

Take my heart

Make me your own

Pour me out

From your heart I will go

This is an old song that Ryan and I learned years ago and still sing today.  Sometimes it's just because it's got a good beat to it, and other times it's because the message couldn't be truer.  Today, the message is so appropriate that I can hardly keep from singing it.

This has been a long wait.  The house selling, I mean.  The journey we've been on for years now has been exciting, sometimes overwhelming, but mostly just a thrill to be figuring this life thing out, figuring out how we can do it well, in a way that we'll be proud of at the end of it all.  But the house.  THE HOUSE.  Sheesh.

It has been.....4 months.  That doesn't actually sound too long when I think about it, but when I think about the fact that we've had over 40 showings, each of which meant cleaning while kids played, asked for snacks, messed it up again, and did all the other wonderful things that kids do.  I won't even start on our little Pony - suffice it to say that cleaning a house with a 2 year old is no easy task.  So each of these times we have cleaned, perfected the feel of the house, diffused beautiful smells, vacuumed, swept, wiped and dusted, polished, scrubbed, tidied and stuffed random things in random places to get them out of site.  This is tiring people!  Ryan and I have had to practice serious patience.  SERIOUS PATIENCE.  

The thing is, we've actually learned some interesting things along the way as well.  Hmmm, how to start.  I guess through this time of waiting, hoping, but then not getting hopes up, in my own heart I have been slowly letting go of that which we were still holding onto.  What I mean, is that while this waiting has been going on, God has seemingly been stirring things deep within me that have bubbled up to the surface.  Old truths that had been forgotten since this process began.  The one lesson that both Ryan and I have been discussing and living into is to hold all things with an open hand.

You know how when something is good, or you have good plans, you start gripping onto them so tightly that any changes make you panic?  Or when things are going really well and you just don't want them to change?  Did you know that holding onto these things can actually hinder growth?  Can actually take away from more goodness coming your way?  Well it can!

Through all this waiting, Ryan and I have been able to release some things we were still holding fast to.  Things like our list of "non-negotiables" regarding where we're headed next.  If you had asked me three months ago, I would've said "we're moving to a small townhouse or ground level apartment in the same area here.  We're hoping to cut our costs and have more time and money to do more meaningful things."  Okay, so there is still some good in that, but do you see it?  See how we were still holding onto that plan?  Well "someone" thought we should probably let go of those and open those hands for what HE has in store.  

And that is what this last few weeks have been about.  We've been through some lows in patience and perseverance.  We've been through highs of revelation and the presence of a guide slowly pulling us along.  We've been shown a better way - to hold all plans with an open hand, to not glue ourselves to one idea and close ourselves off to the rest.  

We are waiting.  Waiting for the house to sell.  Waiting to hear more about this Thailand adventure.  Waiting to find out where we'll be moving to.  Waiting to see what the next step in the path is.  Prayer is happening from moment to moment.  Life continues on and we talk to one another, ask the girls their thoughts, talk to God in the midst of our conversations, try and discern what is happening.  But you know, sometimes it's just a matter of sitting tight and waiting.  Silence is okay.  Patience is okay.  Peace is okay.  

And so here we are.  We trust that good things are coming.  We hope things happen soon. 

A Silent Love Affair

Christmas and New Years have passed!  Happy 2014!!

We are happy to report that suddenly we are getting a lot of interest on the house.  I'm sure things will start happening soon!  In the meantime, we've been having some fun on...

Here you are!!
(P.S. Hover the mouse over the video to turn on audio and see the caption!)

Are we there yet? (By Ryan)

(By Ryan)

If you have been following our blog, you will know that we have been on a journey of discovery. While the journey can sometimes feel tidy and relatively short when you view it through the lens of blog posts, the reality is that at times it has felt LONG! The desire and openness to live life a little differently and be more intentional in our decisions but not knowing in practical terms what that looks like has been frustrating and infuriating at times.

As people of faith, Laura and I have had many conversations expressing our pure desire to be used by God how He wants to use us but then feeling like our openness and seeking was being met with silence. 

In moments of greater clarity, I know logically that the journey is just as important as the destination. But if I am honest, I enjoy a journey the most after I have arrived at my destination.  As a funny side-note, I was on a road trip once with a girlfriend driving her back to California after our University year was done. A pivotal moment in our discussions on that road-trip was her shock that I didn’t particularly like road-trips. After driving for many, many hours, we arrived in California and the next day we toured through San Francisco with a bunch of her friends. She decided that sight-seeing with a group of people I didn’t really know would make for a good time to dump me. Nice! So that cut my time in California short and I drove all the way back to B.C. I definitely did not like road-trips after that!!

Back to my point…the idea of embracing the journey does not necessarily come naturally to me.

In many ways, as a “highly sensitive”* person I like to feel in control of my surroundings. I can easily get overwhelmed with unknowns, surprises, and the emotions of others. Yet if I am truly open to God leading us in a direction that He wants, I need to become more comfortable with giving up control.

*From the book “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Dr. Elaine Aron – “a Highly Sensitive Person has a sensitive nervous system, is aware of subtleties in his/her surroundings, and is more easily overwhelmed when in a highly stimulating environment.”

The theme of simplifying our life to be more in line with the values that we have set-out as a family has been one of the driving forces of all the decisions we have been making. Decisions to purge and physically simplify possessions, sell our house and downsize, do Christmas differently and move away from the gift giving and all of the stresses that brings.

We want to embrace the fact that life is not just happening TO us but that we have decisions that we make every day that can move us closer to living a life that outwardly demonstrates the inner values we hold. 

As Laura wrote about, selling our house was one of the biggest decisions we have made to date and it took us a long time to come to that decision. But after we made the decision, I wanted things to happen fast. 

4 months, 25+ showings of our house, 25+ times of cleaning the house to perfection, and countless times of getting the kids out of the house and finding something to do during the showing, and our house is STILL FOR SALE! The concept of “the journey being as important as the destination” is something that I need to embrace more than ever because this dang journey is proving to be a cross-Canada trip!

One evening a few weeks back Laura and I were talking about things with the house and the frustration level was particularly high. We talked about trying to not focus too far down the line but taking things one step at a time, trusting that just like we have been slowly lead to where we are at now, selling of our house is the next step in a journey of many. Laura in particular was really frustrated, feeling like we weren’t doing anything, and talked about feeling an itch to do something meaningful, travelling and helping people, doing something more tangible.  There was a feeling of agitation and unease in the room so thick you could taste it. We spent some time talking and praying and left it at that.

The next day, in a Facebook conversation with people that we had just been introduced to on Vine (the app where we create the crazy 6 second videos), we heard a little snippet of their life story which included time in Thailand/Burma working with YWAM. We shared with them a bit about our story and what we do in real life (vs Vine life). They said that we should all go to Thailand together next Fall. I said pardon? (at least I did in my mind) They said that there is a ton of work to be done there – working with families and children who are extremely vulnerable to human trafficking because of no documentation, a medical clinic that helps a variety of people including women in childbirth. 

It was all seeming pretty crazy. Just the night before we had been talking and praying about having the confidence to take things one step at a time and trust that the journey will continue after our move and that the next steps will surface when the timing is right. While time will only tell whether this particular possibility materializes, it was an amazing sign of encouragement that there are surprises and possibilities in our future that we can’t imagine right now.  It was validation that we don’t need to know the full story.

One of the books that has influenced us this past year has been “Love Does” by Bob Goff. He is someone who embraces each opportunity that comes his way, and by saying “yes”, he makes amazing connections with the people around him. By simplifying our life, we are starting to create more space to say “yes” to the things that come our way and it feels great! 

Life IS about the journey and I am slowly learning to embrace it!

A Simple Christmas (By Laura)

It has been a season of waiting.  These past few months as the house has been on the market have been trying as we've felt drawn to a vision that we couldn't entirely realize without relying on a process.  This process, selling and downsizing, has been completely reliant on others.  We can do little to speed the process (well, I suppose we could ask a very, very low price...), nor can we lure buyers into our home who aren't ready to buy.  Around here, and in many places, spring is the big time to buy or sell a house.  Fall is a distant second.  We have, however, had a good number of showings, and even one offer - one very low offer which fell through and didn't seem too serious from the beginning.  Frustrating.  But so we have been forced to wait, to be patient while our hearts are aimed at something currently out of our grasp.

Thankfully, our process of simplification is so much deeper than changing our living situation.  There are THINGS to simplify, including clothes, toys, books, storage items, dishes, appliances, electronics, and all sorts of other things to pare down.  There are RHYTHMS to simplify, such as how much we allow ourselves to plan in one week, one day, one hour.  There are ACTIVITIES to simplify, and I think of how many things I try to get done at once, how complicated I make each meal, how frequently I check my various social media outlets, and how I'm using my iPhone.  And then there's THE BRAIN that also needs simplifying.  Wait.  That sounded weird.  Let me rephrase that.  THE BRAIN ACTIVITY.  This will need to be another blog post completely, but I'm starting to process something that I've caught myself needing to change, to simplify, and to improve myself on.  This thing I refer to is my constant irritation and grumbling caused by having too much on the go, whether scheduled or just packed into the brain.  I am learning to focus on one or two things at a time, to leave the other things unattended while I focus on the good, simple, real things.  As I said, more on that another time.

And so as we've been paring down on all these things, we've been finding ourselves in a really delightful place.  This place is one in which we are actually selecting and enjoying activities and moments that we choose to, simply because we love them!  When there's less junk around, there's less to constantly be sorting through and tidying.  When there's less on the "to do" list, there's more time to sit and read a book, read one to one of our daughters all snuggled on the couch, or make a nice cup of coffee or tea, or even write and record a silly song with a ukulele.  When there's less going on in a single day, there's more time to roll around on the floor and play with the kids.  We've been hearing so much laughter around here, and the sound of a two year old's hysterical belly laugh?  NOTHING BEATS IT.

This is the crux of it.  This is what we've read about and what we aim for.  A richness in life that is found in the backing away from distractions!  We are starting to see it!  To live it!  To bask in it!  It's nothing less than beautiful!

For the first year in a long time, Christmas preparations have been....dare I say delightful?  They haven't been overwhelming!  Even with my last minute remembering of some stocking stuffers I had planned, and my need to run across the border to pick up a few last gifts on Monday.  (Here's to hoping the border lineups aren't atrocious!)  The thing is, with our plan of 3 gifts per child, and then each of our families also doing it really low key, it has been absolutely enjoyable to sit and think and choose without the need to go overboard, or wonder whether we're spending enough on each person, or spending too much, or panic because we don't know what to get that one person.  The more expectation on these things there is, the more stress we add into the season, and what is the season all about anyway?  I mean, apart from the obvious roots of that Jewish baby, this season promises closeness, time with loved ones, enjoyment of music, lights, food, togetherness!  Not hustle and bustle and stress and Walmart open 24 hours and running out in a panic to just find SOMETHING for that person and worrying that it's never going to come together on time!  Why should Christmas day, or Eve, be a relief that it's all over? 

Anyway, I could go on and on, but the fact is, we seem to have hit on something this year.  In fact, I think we're really hitting on some big things in general.  Life isn't lived fully if it's lived in a distracted, stressed, overly booked, packed full, no extra time and spaces, no breathing room kind of way.  It just isn't.  Busyness does not become us.  Simplicity does.  Relationship does.  Love does.  And this is what we are trying to live.  May all the glory of the season, the actual beautiful and peaceful season, be upon you as you live through this week.  Peace, my friends.

Validate me, please! (by Ryan)

That silly little thing seems to hold so much power! Even seeing it sitting on the side of the room draws me in. But this past week I made a decision that I was going to be more powerful than that stupid little thing.

What is that little thing? My iphone. What did I do? Deleted all social media and game apps.

Now before you start congratulating me, it is a number of days later and I have failed miserably. Rather than checking my Facebook app, I go to Facebook online and check it there. Despite deleting Vine, I downloaded it again “just to quickly make a vine”, and a few days later it still sits on my iphone screen.

But the sentiments behind the initial deleting are still there. I hate the fact that so often Laura and I are in the same room but we are both staring at our phones rather than actually connecting. I hate that my phone is the last thing I look at before sleep and one of the first things I look at when I wake up.

I heard someone talking about the great memories they had as a child snuggling in their parents bed in the morning. Do I really want my girls’ morning memories to be snuggling in our bed watching me on my phone? So often, rather than actually engaging in what is happening right around me with the people that mean the most to me, I am skimming through a feed of random thoughts, observations, photos, and “likes” posted by others. 

The “likes”, messages, texts, emails all feed my desire to feel needed. If I am having some self-doubt or need some validation, I can throw up a status and there are some immediate hits of attention to tide me over.

The craziest thing about it all though, is that while I am seeking validation from a world beyond my house and family, I have all of the validation I could ever possibly want  staring me right in the face. Yet, instead of seeing it, I am looking at a stupid phone.

They say that recognizing a problem and having self-awareness is a great first step, but right now that feels like the easy part. 

So, next time you see me staring at my phone give me a kick, poke me, do an interpretive dance, sing me a song, or whatever else you feel inspired to do. 

Or, if you are brave enough, validate me somehow. I promise I will return the love!

Jingle jingle!! (By Laura)

It's astounding.  As soon as Halloween is over, the Christmas flyers start arriving.  Daily, my mailbox is flooded with bright red and green "gift guides", promises of finding that one tough person the perfect gift.  It's everywhere!  I'm seeing Christmas lights on houses at night, hearing Christmas music playing, and the general mood seems to all be aimed at "preparing", shopping, buying, planning.

 

I LOVE Christmas, actually.  I love the anticipation.  I love the lights.  I love giving gifts to people I care for, seeing their faces as they open them.  I love Christmas music (at least the good stuff), and love the way people become happy and snuggly and lovey around this time of year.

The simplicity thing, however, causes us to look at it a little differently.  I've already talked about the simple gift-giving plans we have this year, and so you know how very much we do not want to just buy, buy, buy.  I have been feeling, though, that being simple, choosing a simpler way, is not just a decision we make once.  It's something we have to do again and again.  Each time I see a new flyer with really cute girls' clothing on the front, each time I pass a store window with a cozy and fashionable sweater, or a nice pair of winter boots, or an other item that regularly tempts me, I need to remind myself that we don't NEED it.  Sure, there are times when there is a justifiable purchase, but more often than not, I'm just longing to fill a need for something new, to satisfy the hunger in the moment.

So, as I picked up the pile of flyers that came through my slot yesterday, I didn't even open them up.  I know what gifts I'll be purchasing, and what gifts I'll be making, and really don't need any more temptation to get just one more thing.

Life is full.  It's far fuller than I could have asked for.  It's full of love, family, friends, hobbies, cooking, cleaning, tantrums, arguments, snuggles, bedtime stories, homeschool, lessons, coming and going and so many other things.  I really don't need to fill it further with new things.  They will only get lost in the mix, and won't be appreciated for what they are.

And so, as we head in the direction of this season, I wish you all the very warmest and happiest time with those you love, and hope that you find fulfillment in the little things.