I've spent the day cleaning up my daughter's birthday party debris, sweeping out our storage area, cleaning up the back yard, and generally putzing around the house getting things done. It's menial, brainless work, and it's just what I've been needing.
It has been a few weeks since we had a gig of any kind, and while I know I have an ongoing and looming list of "to do" items that I need to continue work on to keep this music ball rolling, I am keeping it out of my focus today. (Okay, I may have done a FEW LITTLE THINGS music-related, but only a few!) I'm choosing a simple day.
AND IT'S SO GOOD.
And okay, it's not just a choice I'm making for the enjoyment of it. If I'm honest with myself, today I'm feeling really, REALLY introverted. I'm wanting to just hide. Not perform. Not plan to perform. Not aim for the next recording, book the next gig, prep for the next show, plan for the next time I step on the stage. Aaaaack! Today, performing sounds like the last thing, the furthest thing from what I'd like to do!
Isn't it funny? Through the past year and a bit, I've been working through so much of my own "stuff". Chipping away at my nervousness, my fear of expressing myself, my worries about how I'll be received, and while I've come so far, it's still so easy for me to fall back into this state of KEEP ME OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT.
Of course I'll climb back in. I'll clammer up onto that stage and most likely love every second of it, but it will take a regrouping. It will require some mental work. It will take some breathing and some courage and some determination. And I've proven to myself that I've got plenty of that stored away.
But that's for another day. Today I'm going to just sit and enjoy my little house and my nice neighbours and my daughters running in and out with their friends. I'll walk the dog and breathe fresh air, and make meals and clean them up, and maybe have a cup of tea on the patio. It's sunny, and it's warm, and heck, man. It's summer. This is a good life, whether I'm needing to hide away, or find myself climbing back up on stage.
