There will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears
Get over your hill and see what you find there
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair
- Mumford & Sons
Some really hard news came this week. Our friend, Ken, lovingly known to many by his Vine name, "Kwrkey", was told that his body was likely too overwhelmed with cancer to overcome it. After months and months of brutal chemo, surgery and radiation, plus a very difficult few months of just not recovering well from all of the trauma the treatment put his body through, he was given this news.
There are times in life when we rank people. You know what I mean. You hear of a murder in the news of some gang member - targeted attack - victim was known to police, had a record. You don't feel too horrible, right? It's hard to admit, but you feel like perhaps, if you delved deep enough into your inner mind, the world might now have one less difficult person in it. Right? And then you hear of a young girl in a war zone getting shot and killed in the line of fire, or a young mother being killed in a car accident, leaving behind her children. Doesn't that hurt? Doesn't it make your insides ache?
Of course, we can't actually rank people like this. It's not right. It's not fair. Every person is precious. Each person has their own set of circumstances. Maybe that targeted victim was the son of a prostitute who just couldn't give him a healthy childhood, causing him to turn to unhealthy habits, unsafe people for security. Maybe that young mother was abusive towards her children, or had a drug habit that was causing her children to grow up in neglect.
The fact is, we don't know peoples' stories. We don't know where they've come from, or how they've carved out their life and ways. We can't judge them, nor can we rank them.
I don't know Ken's story. Not the full story, at least. We know snippets. We know much more about the past few years of his story than anything else. We know that he met Julie a couple years ago and the two of them are beautiful together. They are a pair of light-shedding givers and you can't know them without loving them.
They both have stories, including previous marriages, kids they love, pain in their past. They both love music, and each other, and being goofy, and bringing people together, and making others feel good (no, great), and sharing life and laughs and music with anyone they find who will share it with them.
When we happened upon this funny little app a couple years ago, an app called Vine, we never imagined the way it would change our lives. That sounds weird. It still sounds weird to me, but it's true. If you're not familiar with it, it's an app in which you create an account and then record 6-second long videos, and once you post them on your feed, they loop. They repeat over and over and over. This may sound bizarre, but it makes for a really interesting artistic medium. The crazy thing about Vine that sets it apart from other kinds of social media is that it causes, almost by accident, real life connections between people. Really. It does. For some reason, the fact that people are taking video of themselves talking, making jokes, dancing, singing, doing silly things, causes others to get a more clear picture of who they are, which causes them to respond with the same kind of authenticity. There's a lot of vulnerability, and you feel as if you're kind of connecting with people on a really special level. (Of course, it's possible to just be a spectator, as with any social media, but if you really engage, you reap the benefits.) When we were first experiencing the world of Vine, we would see people post vines saying they loved their "vine friends" and that their life was "so different" now because of Vine. I was very skeptical. It was an APP, people. It wasn't REAL. These weren't REAL RELATIONSHIPS. It was a little mini screen and these people were just on a screen.
Then one day, Ryan found this goofy guy named Ken on Vine, and we started up a little back and forth Vine friendship.
He was pretty great, and we quickly got to know his girlfriend, Julie as well.
We had some pretty funny times with them on vine, going back and forth with goofy messages and song-collabs (the Vine term for doing music together on vine....) and many other random and fun things. Then we said to each other, how about a trip down to visit them in Oregon? And the adventure began...
We had an amazing trip, and got to experience what they were like in real, non-screen life!
(Hint: They really WERE real!) They weren't just real, they were truly lovely people. Lovely, loving, lively, likeable, and all the other L words you can think of (the good ones at least). Really though, we got such a keen sense that they were community builders, carers of people, and people who were really out to make the world a better place for everyone in it. It was, to say the very least, inspiring!
Ken ended up making this goofy Vine after our first day together. It made us giggle.
And so we headed home, and returned to the Vine friendship, inviting and urging them to come visit us next! How fun! And so life carried on as usual for a while.
The following year, we had the chance to go to DisneyLand! And guess who we met up with there??? You bet! A lovely few hours and a nice lunch together with our Vine buddies in the happiest place on Earth. Can't you tell I'm happy? :)
It wasn't too long after this meet up that the news came of Ken's diagnosis and upcoming treatment. What a hard and horrible thing. Through the months that followed, we witnessed him going through chemo over Vine and Facebook, as well as through The Good Men Project, a blog where he had a space to write about his experience. We ached for him, Julie and their teenaged kids. What a lot to grapple with. Chemo, surgery, radiation, it went on and on, and we listened, prayed, hoped.
Then this recent news came, and we cried, and talked, and prayed, and cried. How could the world allow a guy like THIS to go? I started ranking people. Why Ken? Why someone who was a light-shiner in this world?
But sometimes "why" isn't really helpful, or the right thing to ask. I'm not sure what is. What I hope for now, and pray for him, Julie, their kids and family, is for peace. For good, loving time together at home. For calm and courage to face the future without Ken's presence. For Ken's peace to be a blanket over and around him, to carry him towards the end of his life here and that which lies beyond. We pray this daily, hourly, momentarily. And what more can be said or done? Love is what it comes down to in the end, isn't it?
Love, hope, faith. Ken has done so much good here, and now he will get to leave and enter a more beautiful experience that the rest of us will all have to wait for.
May you feel deep peace and love as you enjoy your closest people, Ken. And may you not feel pain, but have a comfortable many months ahead as you all prepare for the change to come. We look forward to Julie's continued updates on how things are going for you all and will continue to journey with you until we can't any longer.
We love you, and look forward to hanging out when we join you on the other side of the river.
With love,
Laura, Ryan, and the girls.
