Life. Let's do this! (By Ryan)

Doing life on a day to day basis takes a lot of energy, time and thought. It doesn’t matter if you live on your own, if it’s you and a spouse, or if you have 3 kids like us. Life is busy and it often feels like there is no time or space to pause and take a few steps back and ask some basic questions.

Why am I doing this? Why I am living the way I am? How did I get to this place? Is this really what I want? Was this what I was aiming for? Where do I want to be in 5, 10, 20 years?

Before you know it, you have ended up somewhere you didn’t intend to be and you haven’t had the courage or ability to actually pursue the things you always said you wanted.

Living in the “head-down let’s just get through the day” mode also makes it really difficult when a decision or opportunity comes along because there is no frame of reference to make the decision. Let’s say you have a new job opportunity and you need to decide whether you should take it. The pay is better, the commute is longer, the job is working towards something you believe in. Do the benefits outweigh the long commute? 

Let’s say you are deciding if you should move. You can afford something bigger which will give you more space. It means more yard work, more of your finances towards the mortgage and maintenance of the house, and moving into an area that has less “community”. Does the increased space make the extra work worth it? Are you okay with having a larger mortgage? Does this mean that you have to sacrifice other things like family holidays, going out to eat? Is it worth it for that? Do you like to know your neighbours and share life with them?

None of these decisions are good or bad but they do have an impact on your entire life. They are not simply a decision about a job or a house. They are decisions that should reflect the things that we value but from what we have experienced in our own lives and see around us, our decisions don’t always reflect those values.

So what I am emphatically and forcefully telling you, YOU MUST DO, is think through and write out your values.  

What are the guiding principles that you want to shape your actions and decisions? Forget about what you feel you should value based on outside voices. Don’t worry about the way you are living your life right now. What values do you aspire your life to reflect?

For us, this process of determining our true values took some time. But in that time of weeding things out and grouping things together some themes emerged. And out of those themes, we chose our values - see this blog post.

Once you have determined your values, look at each area of your life and assess whether or not it reflects your stated values. Look at your living situation, your work, your finances, your relationships, the things you eat, the things you say, the things you watch, the way you spend your free time, the people you spend your time with, the community you live in, the places you vacation, the things you buy. Do these things reflect your stated values? 

Like it was for us, you may realize that parts of your life don’t. But the great thing is that you now have a framework to make decisions and move forward.

And when the next decision comes your way, you can look at your options based on your values rather than being distracted by the finer details. 

Life is a gift. 

Life is happening right now. 

And a life not lived intentionally will lead you to a place you never intended to go.

Grabbing Life by the Nards

This evening, I sat and joined in a discussion with a few people I know who have dealt with different feelings of grief, loss, and sickness. One person was a friend of mine who lost a baby boy days after his birth because of a abnormal chromosomal condition. Another was a man who had been diagnosed with cancer of the liver and was undergoing treatment. We spoke about grief, and recovery, and the shock of discovering that you're horribly sick, and the necessity of living with gratitude for each day that we're here on Earth.

It was a vulnerable, honest, and sobering conversation, and filled me with love for these two people who are experiencing such different difficult things, but who are facing it so courageously.

Another friend of ours has recently started chemo and is unabashedly pouring out his heart for all to read on Facebook - another courageous thing to do in the face of something so daunting. He recently posted a vine (if you haven't heard of Vine, you're missing out! Click here.) in which he took some time in nature. There was a simple shot of his hand touching a tree trunk. It was moving, to say the least, to see him drawing strength from this old, deeply rooted tree, this small piece of a vast creation.

These things leave me pondering. I'm a processor to the core. I listen, and I go away and ponder for a while, putting the pieces together in my mind and trying to make sense of what I've heard and what I think of it. The amazing thing about all three of these people is this.

They are living life in the raw, and in the now.

My friend spoke of needing to allow herself to pass through grief. She isn't living in the past, or trying to rush through or away from the pain. She lives today, and is learning to allow herself to feel what she feels.

The man spoke of being in a place of peace. In the midst of his body fighting against a slow growing cancer, he feels a deep calm and gratitude for each day as it comes and goes.

The third friend speaks of the love and care that he receives from those who pour out their support on his Facebook feed. He speaks of his experience changing each day, as some days he feels better than others, but that he's determined to deal with this thing and win.

I myself have never had cancer. I have never lost a child. I have never experienced the pain of divorce, or mental illness, or loss of a loved one. Sometimes I feel as though I've had an easy life.

But the thing is, from walking through these times alongside friends, witnessing and validating their pain and sorrow, and opening my heart to hear what I can from God in the moments of pondering, I glean a little bit of a gift from these people. I hear the messages that are being whispered through each situation. The messages aren't being whispered in only these difficult situations, but in every situation that I encounter.

Life is meant to be lived. Right now.

I mean, this is it, isn't it? And isn't it so easy to get caught up in what's going to happen tomorrow? Isn't it easy to dwell on the past?

I have to jog myself some days and shout out, "LAURA! THIS IS LIFE, RIGHT NOW! STOP IMAGINING WHAT YOU'LL DO WHEN YOU HAVE MORE TIME, OR MORE MONEY, OR WHEN THE KIDS ARE OLDER! THIS IS IT! DO THINGS RIGHT TODAY! ENJOY THE GIFT THAT IS TODAY! LIVE IN THE PEACE AND JOY OF THIS MOMENT!"

And so, in light of that, I'm going to post this, get up, leave the computer, and go sit with Ryan for the remainder of the evening. Then I'm going to go to sleep, and get up, and head out on an adventure with my little family for the weekend.

Have a wonderful, peaceful, in-the-moment kind of weekend.